THIS IS FROM MY BLOG AT WWW.TRAUMADEFEATED.BLOGSPOT.COM
WHAT'S ABUSE? WHAT ARE MY CHOICE
Many of us don't like to talk about it because of shame and the feelings that are connected to it but many of us have had some experience with some form of abuse. For some of us it was emotional abuse, bullying, name calling, being ridiculed and experiencing passive aggressive behavior. Then there is physical abuse, hitting, punching, spitting, not respecting physical boundaries such as being touched in private areas and of course kicking, slapping.
Everyone's experience may have been different but so many can relate to some form of abuse. Abuse can also be traumatic for the person being victimized. Deeply distressing disturbing experiences can trigger shame. When I was in abusive relationships, I felt ashamed because I had given my heart to someone that did not appreciate me. I had also trusted someone that was not trust worthy or did not have good values and healthy character. I refused to share my experiences with those who really cared about me because of shame. I allowed myself to feel trapped having children made me rationalize the situation even more when I was in my first marriage. My husband was a alcoholic and I was afraid of his anger. I felt I needed to be strategic to come out of the relationship, actually I needed to ask for help.
Some of my abuse came from relatives actually that is where it started when I was very young. Hurt people hurt people it's true. That does not excuse their behavior but it helps us take responsibility for making choices to take care of ourselves at some point. We all want to be safe. Some people don't know the meaning of integrity, dignity, respect. Some of soul sick. Many have a distorted perception of love.
I have been married twice and both of my husbands were troubled. I was the wife who saw the good in them and wanted to help them get the help that they needed. Unfortunately, I wanted it for them more than they wanted it for themselves. I had to do something really tough, I had to feel my feelings and take responsibility for them. I also had to take a closer look at the relationship and accept reality and stop reasoning, enabling. I chose to be courageous and take a leap of faith.
BEHAVIORS OF AN ABUSIVE PERSON: 1. He or she pushes you to get involved to quickly. 2. Constant Jealousy, excessively possessive, calls constantly, visits unexpectedly, checks your cell phone. 3. Very Controlling and Manipulative(asking questions and accusing)keeps all the money, checking mileage on car. 4. unrealistic expectations(expecting you to be perfect) 5. Keeping you isolated from family and friends. 6. blaming others for his or her own mistakes, it's always someone else's fault. 7. Makes everyone responsible for his or her feelings. eg. they made me angry, you made me do this...8 Hypersensitive, easily insulted, rant and rave always the victim. 9. cruel to animals and children(bullying) 10. Uses Playful Forces to have sex. rape, manipulates to engage in unwanted sex acts. 11. verbal abuse 12. Rigid gender rolls, expects you to serve and obey and remain at home all the time. 13. Sudden mood swings. 14. Has past battering behavior or violent, vindictive behavior. 15. Threatens violence.
I am responsible for my own safety; I can choose to speak up for myself, trying not to make matters worse with my words. I have the right to feel safe. I have the right to have healthy relationships. I have the right to decide who I spend my time with. I have the right to feel my feelings own them and nurture myself. I am responsible for my own happiness, emotional and physical well-being. Where there is children involved I have the right to keep my family safe and handle situations in a healthy way. I have the right to ask for help. I have the right to Take My Power Back! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO LOVE MYSELF. So do YOU!!! I AM "The Healthy Mind Strategist".